MMA In Spenymoor

MMA makes a return to Spenymoor this weekend with returning Ferryhill hero Phillip "Tinhead" Olivier taking on the up and coming Nail Gun Jimmy "The Fresh Egg" Lees

Olivier left Ferryhill at a young age due to the family pet stealing fruit and veg from a local store leading to the family getting pushed out of the County Durham town similar to scenes seen in the middle ages.
An artists impression of that fatal event is to the left.

The ferryhill tinheaded challenger is in high hopes for his fight with the experienced hard man.

"err ya know, i'm er ya know excited ya know. the fans have been greight ya know. all good no bother"

he was asked if he thought the teesside nail gun would try and attack his pretty boy face he replied

"ahh well, they do do that though dont they though"

Very true indeed Tinhead.

Lees is in very confident mood as is expected from the odds on favourite.

"well i expect nothing else but a resounding victory over this plastic scouser. he might have the prettyness but i have the nailsness dontah!"

Maybe so. It all looks like it will be a fantastic fight for all fight fans concerned.

Be there or be square.. or circle, or even triangle. just be yourself..... and there.

X Ray of Jimmy Lees' last opponent

James Perch Unhappy At Newcastle

I have it on good authority that Newcastle Uniteds Blockbuster summer signing is already unhappy with his time at the club.

James turned up at his first day of training and was immediately removed from the training ground by the black and white security contingent as they thought he was a crazed fan trying to get a glimpse of the newly promoted premier league stars.

James was later brought back into training by the latest of a long line of messiahs mr chris hughton and they introduced him to the players as there new signing from nottingham forrest James Perch.

But even after this introduction the black and white superstars were still somewhat bemused.

Local arsehole Andy Carrol said "well the gaffer brought this playa roond carld perchy.. i was leek who the fooks this guy gana dee. I mean hadawey and sheet leek"

Strong words (if that's what you can call them) indeed Andy.

This has carried on with young Perchy in the city centre as he tries to attract young ladies on a neet ooot in the toon.

To put it bluntly, nobody knows what or who he is or why he is even here. That is what is upsetting young Perchy.

He has started wearing a name badge and walking around with his newly adopted father Chris Hughton just so people know this young chap has a purpose in the world.

Well for perchys sake I do hope everything goes OK for him.






A Bemused Perchy looks on :(

Horses Cured Me!!!

This article is nothing to do with marring what so ever, but it is remerkable non the less.

In the North East seaside town of Redcar there was a young lady who was suffering from a very bad bout of flue.

Her moods were effected and she became very ratty. She had a headache and various other nasty things that caused this young lady to leave work early one day and have the next day off.

For privacy purposes this girl shall remain nameless so lets call her flora schmiff.

Flora was at her whits end and did not know what to do. She was upset about having to leave work early and have another day off so she decided to look for some alternative therapy. That is where the horses came in.

Flora thought. Right hang on a sec, me poorly, me like horsey, me go get better. So off she went.

Your Races was the venue of choice, although her friends who have promised to reimburse her for her days wages (but im sure flora wont be taking this money) they were very sceptical.

Any hoo flora went and bish bash bosh, some gg's and cider made this girl better.

I don't often say this but this is a mircale. Flora has been cured by horses. She even celebrated by having an all weekend bender.

Well done flora schmiff, you have opened our eyes to a whole world of alternative therapies.

Im off to see a zebra about my genital warts now.

New Star in North East Marring Circle!

We all know James 'Fresh Egg' Lees is the current North East marring champion and we all know that he is not one to shy away from a marr off. That is why The Daily Marrer was so surprised when he admitted to us, in an exclusive interview, "I'm scared. I don't normally get nervous before a marr off, but she's just... she's fucking mental!"

And who is The Fresh Egg so scared of? None other than Julie 'Parmo Queen' Phan, a rising star in the North East marring scene. Phan rose to prominence after devastating victories over a number of famous north east marrers, including Jimmy Nail, Chris Kamara and Roy Chubby Brown - a pretty intimidating line up.

But why is The Fresh Egg so scared of her? After all, he has dished out marrings to all of the aforementioned wannabes. The man himself confessed, "It's not that she's marred anyone I couldn't marr - I've given Chubby Brown more marrings than I can remember - it's the way she marrs them... her finishing move!

This brings us to how The Parmo Queen earned her moniker. Having downed her opponents, Phan pins them down and force feeds them her favourite dish - a parmo. Her only explanation for this horrific abuse is her love of local cuisine. "Anyone who gets in my face will know two things - how to get decked in the face and that Europa make the best parmos. I fucking love parmos, me!"

Phan has already achieved cult status on Teesside. Her facebook group, The Julie Phan Club, has grown in size exponentially recently and a number of local retailers are now stocking Phan merchandise.

Phan has also developed a reputation as a bit of fucking cracker outside of the marring ring, constantly getting in to trouble with the local bizzies for smashing up bouncers and marring anyone who "looks at her funny". No wonder The Fresh Egg is so worried.

We at The Daily Marrer can't wait for confirmation that this marr off will go ahead. Whoever wins, it promises to be one of the marrings of all time, with the winner likely to earn a chance to go head to head with National Champion, Brian Blessed.

Stay tuned for more marring news. Until then, keep on marring!

The WWE Hampionship Marr Off

Well the WWE are getting a mention in the Daily Marrer this week as they are offering us a right treat.

They are having the Marr off of all Marr offs. They have The following people competing for the WWE Hampionship.

We Have Paul the Hartlepool Guzzler Teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasdaaaaaaaaaaaaaale involved in a 3 way Marr Off with Subo and WWE hero Yokozuna.

They fight for the coveted Ham Belt to see just who is the best Marrer. Subo is the woman in form and is really looking forward to the Marr Off. She said "Marring is my life after pea shelling. But I am already world number 1 pea sheller so Marring is the next one on my list. Teaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssdaaaaaaaaaaallllle and yoko better watch out or ill be taking them down, down in acapulco."



Storng words indeed.

Well I am looking forward to this. The winner will be come the WWE Hampionship holder which is a great acheivemnt. An extra bonus is the winnder will then face the Marr off between Steve Smiffler and Brian Blessed to become UK Marring champion. Its all going to be bonkers, be sure to watch.

The coveted title is below. Come back for more details of this Marr Off and others.

Simon Cowell Is Going To Get Well Marred

I tell you what.

I have never been a massive fan of X Factor by any stretch of the imagination. In fact I despised the show. Until Jedward came in that is.

These two young ghetto gangsters from the mean streets of Ireland are the future. The future demise of X Factor. Imagine this if you will. Jedward who can not sing at all, win a singing competition and knock all of these glorified karaoke singers off the show. Where will X Factor be. Dead. Marred To bits. It will take the biggest Marring known to man.

So I fell in love with Jedward as you would. One of my other loves is Wham, and in particular the Wham Rap. That song is shit hot. Takes the piss out of all the bums who live on the dole and think they can have a good time. Tell em George:

Hey everybody take a look at me,
I've got street credibility,
I may not have a job,
But I have a good time,
With the boys that I meet "down on the line"
I said, I - DON'T - NEED - YOU
So you don't approve,
Well who asked you to?
HEY!
HEY - JERK - YOU - WORK
This boy's got better things to do
Hell,
I ain't never gonna work, get down in the dirt,
I choose, to cruise.



Is that good or is that good.

Anyway Jedward were gonna perform this tune to there rapping capabilities and rock the socks off the public and judges. But OH No. At the last minute they have changed the "Theme" of the night to Soul.

Now tell me, what soul song can pimp daddy jedward sing? None thats what.

That my friends is why Simon Cowell is going to get the marring of his life if Jedward go out this weekend.

All Geordie Marring in the Pipeline?

We at The Daily Marrer are pretty certain that the Geordie nation will be torn apart when professional Geordies Sting and Cheryl Cole go head to head in a marring contest.

Cheryl was not impressed with Sting's recent comments about the x-factor. Sting was quoted as saying, "That X factor is fucking dump like. None of those plebs they've picked off the streets can sing. It's TV karaoke, it's harming the music industry and I divn't fucking like it!"

As a fellow pleb picked off the streets (outside The Golden Chip in Heaton, Newcastle), Cheryl Cole took the comments personally. "Bang out of order Sting, like. I'll not be copying any of his songs in the future. If he shows his face near ITV studios, I'll fucking 'ave him."

The Daily Marrer is not one to take sides in any marring contest. In this case, however, we agree with Sting's comments and hope he gives Cheryl a good marring before heading over to Simon Cowell's house for some post marring marring.

Either way, it promises to be a good marr-off. There is no indication as yet as to whether or not The Police will be involved.

Weekend Marring

Well many marrings were handed out this week.

First one to comment on has to be the heavyweight dual between a big russian freek and a gansta from London Town. Young David Haye captured the world heavyweight championship from Valuev on Saturday night. The fight was poor to be fair, so a marring a such wa not handed out. But due to the nature of the sport we have to comment on it at the daily marrer.

Rugby wise England took a right marring from Australia. We here at the daily marrer have never seen a 15 v 2 rugby match before. But it happened, all players apart from moody and wilkinson should hang ur heads in shame. Well Marred.

The Marring of the week has to go to Middlesbrough Football Club. Marred by a bunch of young jumped up cockneys they should all be ashamed. The ark angel worzel strachen is commenting on the lack of marriage within the squad. Looking at things commitment is a huge problem.

Thanks to Adam Jackson for the marring of the week. You will be hearing more from him in the future.

Facebook Time

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We have joined the millions of other users on the popular social networking site to spread the marring word further.

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