James Perch Unhappy At Newcastle

I have it on good authority that Newcastle Uniteds Blockbuster summer signing is already unhappy with his time at the club.

James turned up at his first day of training and was immediately removed from the training ground by the black and white security contingent as they thought he was a crazed fan trying to get a glimpse of the newly promoted premier league stars.

James was later brought back into training by the latest of a long line of messiahs mr chris hughton and they introduced him to the players as there new signing from nottingham forrest James Perch.

But even after this introduction the black and white superstars were still somewhat bemused.

Local arsehole Andy Carrol said "well the gaffer brought this playa roond carld perchy.. i was leek who the fooks this guy gana dee. I mean hadawey and sheet leek"

Strong words (if that's what you can call them) indeed Andy.

This has carried on with young Perchy in the city centre as he tries to attract young ladies on a neet ooot in the toon.

To put it bluntly, nobody knows what or who he is or why he is even here. That is what is upsetting young Perchy.

He has started wearing a name badge and walking around with his newly adopted father Chris Hughton just so people know this young chap has a purpose in the world.

Well for perchys sake I do hope everything goes OK for him.






A Bemused Perchy looks on :(

Horses Cured Me!!!

This article is nothing to do with marring what so ever, but it is remerkable non the less.

In the North East seaside town of Redcar there was a young lady who was suffering from a very bad bout of flue.

Her moods were effected and she became very ratty. She had a headache and various other nasty things that caused this young lady to leave work early one day and have the next day off.

For privacy purposes this girl shall remain nameless so lets call her flora schmiff.

Flora was at her whits end and did not know what to do. She was upset about having to leave work early and have another day off so she decided to look for some alternative therapy. That is where the horses came in.

Flora thought. Right hang on a sec, me poorly, me like horsey, me go get better. So off she went.

Your Races was the venue of choice, although her friends who have promised to reimburse her for her days wages (but im sure flora wont be taking this money) they were very sceptical.

Any hoo flora went and bish bash bosh, some gg's and cider made this girl better.

I don't often say this but this is a mircale. Flora has been cured by horses. She even celebrated by having an all weekend bender.

Well done flora schmiff, you have opened our eyes to a whole world of alternative therapies.

Im off to see a zebra about my genital warts now.