New Star in North East Marring Circle!

We all know James 'Fresh Egg' Lees is the current North East marring champion and we all know that he is not one to shy away from a marr off. That is why The Daily Marrer was so surprised when he admitted to us, in an exclusive interview, "I'm scared. I don't normally get nervous before a marr off, but she's just... she's fucking mental!"

And who is The Fresh Egg so scared of? None other than Julie 'Parmo Queen' Phan, a rising star in the North East marring scene. Phan rose to prominence after devastating victories over a number of famous north east marrers, including Jimmy Nail, Chris Kamara and Roy Chubby Brown - a pretty intimidating line up.

But why is The Fresh Egg so scared of her? After all, he has dished out marrings to all of the aforementioned wannabes. The man himself confessed, "It's not that she's marred anyone I couldn't marr - I've given Chubby Brown more marrings than I can remember - it's the way she marrs them... her finishing move!

This brings us to how The Parmo Queen earned her moniker. Having downed her opponents, Phan pins them down and force feeds them her favourite dish - a parmo. Her only explanation for this horrific abuse is her love of local cuisine. "Anyone who gets in my face will know two things - how to get decked in the face and that Europa make the best parmos. I fucking love parmos, me!"

Phan has already achieved cult status on Teesside. Her facebook group, The Julie Phan Club, has grown in size exponentially recently and a number of local retailers are now stocking Phan merchandise.

Phan has also developed a reputation as a bit of fucking cracker outside of the marring ring, constantly getting in to trouble with the local bizzies for smashing up bouncers and marring anyone who "looks at her funny". No wonder The Fresh Egg is so worried.

We at The Daily Marrer can't wait for confirmation that this marr off will go ahead. Whoever wins, it promises to be one of the marrings of all time, with the winner likely to earn a chance to go head to head with National Champion, Brian Blessed.

Stay tuned for more marring news. Until then, keep on marring!

The WWE Hampionship Marr Off

Well the WWE are getting a mention in the Daily Marrer this week as they are offering us a right treat.

They are having the Marr off of all Marr offs. They have The following people competing for the WWE Hampionship.

We Have Paul the Hartlepool Guzzler Teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasdaaaaaaaaaaaaaale involved in a 3 way Marr Off with Subo and WWE hero Yokozuna.

They fight for the coveted Ham Belt to see just who is the best Marrer. Subo is the woman in form and is really looking forward to the Marr Off. She said "Marring is my life after pea shelling. But I am already world number 1 pea sheller so Marring is the next one on my list. Teaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssdaaaaaaaaaaallllle and yoko better watch out or ill be taking them down, down in acapulco."



Storng words indeed.

Well I am looking forward to this. The winner will be come the WWE Hampionship holder which is a great acheivemnt. An extra bonus is the winnder will then face the Marr off between Steve Smiffler and Brian Blessed to become UK Marring champion. Its all going to be bonkers, be sure to watch.

The coveted title is below. Come back for more details of this Marr Off and others.

Simon Cowell Is Going To Get Well Marred

I tell you what.

I have never been a massive fan of X Factor by any stretch of the imagination. In fact I despised the show. Until Jedward came in that is.

These two young ghetto gangsters from the mean streets of Ireland are the future. The future demise of X Factor. Imagine this if you will. Jedward who can not sing at all, win a singing competition and knock all of these glorified karaoke singers off the show. Where will X Factor be. Dead. Marred To bits. It will take the biggest Marring known to man.

So I fell in love with Jedward as you would. One of my other loves is Wham, and in particular the Wham Rap. That song is shit hot. Takes the piss out of all the bums who live on the dole and think they can have a good time. Tell em George:

Hey everybody take a look at me,
I've got street credibility,
I may not have a job,
But I have a good time,
With the boys that I meet "down on the line"
I said, I - DON'T - NEED - YOU
So you don't approve,
Well who asked you to?
HEY!
HEY - JERK - YOU - WORK
This boy's got better things to do
Hell,
I ain't never gonna work, get down in the dirt,
I choose, to cruise.



Is that good or is that good.

Anyway Jedward were gonna perform this tune to there rapping capabilities and rock the socks off the public and judges. But OH No. At the last minute they have changed the "Theme" of the night to Soul.

Now tell me, what soul song can pimp daddy jedward sing? None thats what.

That my friends is why Simon Cowell is going to get the marring of his life if Jedward go out this weekend.

All Geordie Marring in the Pipeline?

We at The Daily Marrer are pretty certain that the Geordie nation will be torn apart when professional Geordies Sting and Cheryl Cole go head to head in a marring contest.

Cheryl was not impressed with Sting's recent comments about the x-factor. Sting was quoted as saying, "That X factor is fucking dump like. None of those plebs they've picked off the streets can sing. It's TV karaoke, it's harming the music industry and I divn't fucking like it!"

As a fellow pleb picked off the streets (outside The Golden Chip in Heaton, Newcastle), Cheryl Cole took the comments personally. "Bang out of order Sting, like. I'll not be copying any of his songs in the future. If he shows his face near ITV studios, I'll fucking 'ave him."

The Daily Marrer is not one to take sides in any marring contest. In this case, however, we agree with Sting's comments and hope he gives Cheryl a good marring before heading over to Simon Cowell's house for some post marring marring.

Either way, it promises to be a good marr-off. There is no indication as yet as to whether or not The Police will be involved.

Weekend Marring

Well many marrings were handed out this week.

First one to comment on has to be the heavyweight dual between a big russian freek and a gansta from London Town. Young David Haye captured the world heavyweight championship from Valuev on Saturday night. The fight was poor to be fair, so a marring a such wa not handed out. But due to the nature of the sport we have to comment on it at the daily marrer.

Rugby wise England took a right marring from Australia. We here at the daily marrer have never seen a 15 v 2 rugby match before. But it happened, all players apart from moody and wilkinson should hang ur heads in shame. Well Marred.

The Marring of the week has to go to Middlesbrough Football Club. Marred by a bunch of young jumped up cockneys they should all be ashamed. The ark angel worzel strachen is commenting on the lack of marriage within the squad. Looking at things commitment is a huge problem.

Thanks to Adam Jackson for the marring of the week. You will be hearing more from him in the future.

Facebook Time

The Daily Marrer ar proud to announce that we have joined Facebook.

We have joined the millions of other users on the popular social networking site to spread the marring word further.

To become a member search for us on http://www.facebook.com

Were On Twitter

Yes we are.

Follow us all the way to the top http://twitter.com/thedailymarrer

Aims And Objectives

We here at the daily marrer aim to tell the beloved public about all international marring activities.

We have reporters speaking to the head marrers in the industry from localised marrers such as Jimmy The Fresh Egg Lees (North East Marring Champion). To National Champions such as Brian The Bulldog Blessed (UK Champion).

For the small minority of people who do not know what marring is. It is battering, smashing someones face in, knocking some fucker out. You know, normal stuff.

If you do know of any Marring events or news, then contact us. We want to know.

Peace out Piamps!